I need another blog like I need.... yeah, you know the drill. But I suppose the realization of late is that I'm still struggling with old patterns, though the fabric of them may be different. While I recognize 'overt' abuse, even overt emotional abuse, distinguishing between what constitutes abuse or not can sometimes be a challenge for me. My ultimate goal is to finish what I started roughly 2.5 years ago...when I realized the absolutely horrific predicament I found myself in. How did it happen again? I'm tired of asking myself that question, and equally tired of HAVING to. Such is the struggle to understand the very thing that has repeatedly tried to destroy everything I am.
Abuse, in any of its forms, has components that are insidious, stealthy, and the destruction they cause is far-reaching.
Working my way through the experiences is a goal, and one I've not yet reached. The absence of closure, for one, and vacillating between understanding and utter bewilderment (even now) holds me tight in a never-ending loop of esteem-crushing confusion. I'll be damned if I'm going to allow that to happen---hence, this blog.
I have a tough time keeping up with everything as it is, but after realizing I have a long way to go with this particular subject.. I realized it would good for me to have a place to express it all. And maybe, just maybe.. I can help someone else in the process.
Here is the beginning of the middle.
I have to start somewhere.
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