Gifts. Depending on the person gifts can hold different meanings, different associations, and have very different affects. Some people are very hard to please and require expensive gifts, while others are quite content with small items with big meaning. I fall into the latter category. To me, a well-thought-out gift is worth more than all the jewelry, diamonds, or money in the world. If someone where to give me a crazy, unique, or spooky stuffed toy... then they've given me gold. I'm not that hard to please. Having said that, what about those who live with someone who isn't a gift-giver? How does that work? Well, that depends too....
Know who you're with. Sounds easy, doesn't it? Well first off let me say that for the sake of this conversation we're going to talk about men--men who aren't gift-givers and what it means. DO know that I fully understand and am aware that there are women like this out there, but the majority tend to be men. Women are rather hard-wired for being people-pleasers.
Know who you're with. You can't really choose a meaningful gift if you don't know who it is you're buying for. Well, you can sometimes come close by focusing on trends for particular age groups and gender. But that's outside of the scope of this conversation. If you know who you're with, then choosing (or making!) a meaningful gift is a no-brainer. All it requires, really, is for you to actually give a crap. Blunt? Yes. And there's no reason not to be blunt.
Respect who you're with. THIS is the key, folks. THIS is what makes or breaks relationships. It's more than an ideal, it's a necessity. If you don't respect WHO you're with, you're doomed, dude. Plain and simple. Might as well give up right now, because that relationship isn't going to last. And if it does, it will be one miserable time for all.
Respect is the foundation for every single relationship in your life. It doesn't matter if it's home, work, family, friends, or enemies. If you have genuine respect for someone you're going to be pretty damn close to being on-target with just about every situation with them. I promise. The only time respect on YOUR part won't work.. is if that person doesn't respect YOU. But that's another talk show.
Respecting someone for WHO they are, and this is very important, means you KNOW who they are and ACCEPT them for who they are. If you don't get this, you're screwed. But getting back to the point--when it comes to gift-giving it's not about YOU, the giver, it's about THEM, the receiver. A gift isn't something you do for yourself, but something you do for another. And it's utterly shocking how many people don't really get this. Now, is there something in it for you, the giver? Of course! And that, my friend, is a very personal thing, so I'm not going to go into that here. But giving a gift is NOT about you. Know this first and foremost.
It's okay to make a mistake. For lack of a better word, I'm using "Mistake" for clarity and understanding. Even if you know someone well, you can choose the wrong gift in some people's eyes. Get that? In SOME people's eyes. I'm also not talking about people who don't APPRECIATE a gift, so let's not focus on that, because it too is another talk show.
You get the wrong size, wrong color, a music cd of a band you think she liked.. only to find out.. she hates them. It CAN and DOES happen! But the difference is.. how many times does it happen? A couple? And is it really an honest mistake on your part--because she's going to know.
If it's an honest mistake, a good woman is going to know. If it's carelessness, she's going to know. If you put NO thought into it (here's where knowing and respecting that person comes in), she's definitely going to know.
But if it's truly an honest mistake... it's okay. Either she'll be sentimental and suck it up and keep the gift, or she will exchange it. So.. how you react to those things are up to you. Just know that it's REALLY not a big deal.
I can't say I see any gift as a mistake. Well, if you buy me men's cologne.. then yeah, that's a huge mistake. lol But for the most part, the effort speaks for itself.
The guys who aren't gift-givers. Now this is a big one. And a complex issue. So I'm going to attempt to not make even more so. Some guys aren't big gift-givers, but they show love in meaningful ways. I mean, how can you fault that? You can't. Tenderness, care, compassion, friendship, being a good listener, being a strong support system for whatever is needed, and being her biggest cheerleader. Oh yeah, those things... are worth more than gold. And if you have that, CHERISH it with all you have!
The flip-side to this whole gift-giving thing is what's often lost on some guys. YOU may not be into it, but if SHE is, then why not participate in something that brings her joy? I can't speak for the situations where 'she' wants excessively expensive things, but I can say that for women like me, who are happy with the little things, it really wouldn't take much effort to make Christmas 'super cool.'
I'm with someone who isn't a gift-giver, and there are other issues that overshadow that. BUT, it would take very little to make Christmas an absolutely lovely affair. But T doesn't really feel ANYTHING about the holidays, outside of a religious nature that is, and so I'm left to putting up a tree and decorating by myself. This wouldn't be such a big deal if T appreciated any of it. Last year the tree was decorated, as well as a couple of rooms, and he walked through the door and noticed not a single bit of it. It was a surreal and strange experience, and one I'm not willing to go through again. So this year, I'm decorating for ME. What this means is I'm decorating the tree and house the way I want to. Well, given my health isn't kicking me in the ass too much to actually decorate. Just know this, guys, when things get to this point, when she's creating all the experiences and memories by herself... she's literally living 'by herself' in your presence.
When she's creating all the experiences and memories by herself... she's literally living 'by herself' in your presence.
I'll let that sink in a moment...
There are men out there that literally have no appreciation of the gifts given to them, the time, effort, money, etc. put into choosing just the right thing. Seriously, guys. even if it's inexpensive, it should still be meaningful and memorable by you. Some guys show their utter lack of appreciation for gifts given to them by actually FORGETTING WHO GAVE THEM THE GIFT! And oh yes, this happens. In my own experience... I gave a gift to my ex, a bear, and he GAVE IT BACK to me a year later.. as a gift! He 'thought' he'd bought it. But I actually had/have photos of when I chose it, purchased it, and took it home. I hand-delivered this gift to him, and he didn't even remember who gave it to him to begin with. And to make matters worse is---his 'shopping' in the stuff he had around the house to find me a Valentine's Day gift. Wow. A hand-written love letter would have blown me away, and it would've cost nothing but a few minutes of his time. *sigh* Guys... don't do this to your wife or GF.
If you're a guy who isn't a gift-giver, consider trying to do that for her. Maybe it doesn't come natural to do that, but it can become a sweet habit if you simply... practice. Don't have the money to buy her a bouquet of flowers... buy ONE! Buy a rosebush and plant it for her (the gift that keeps on giving). Whatever it is you do, put thought into your choice, make it say "I know you," "I see who you are and I love that about you."
Thoughtful gift givers put actual thought into the process, don't overly focus on cost (staying within budget, though) but on choosing something that fits that person, watch for clues as to what might be the perfect gift for that person, plans ahead--doesn't rush out at the last second and choose whatever's easiest, and makes their choice from the heart.
Not a gift-giver and unwilling to try? If you simply can't be a gift-giver, then at least get out of the way and let her buy her own gifts.
It's really simple when you think about it.
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