The conversation went on for nearly 3 hours, and while it was heartbreaking (and disturbing) to hear what she's dealing with I also knew that her speaking her mind and being allowed to feel what she's going through is one of the best ways to begin and maintain healing process. Then she asked me about my own experiences when it came to the other person continuing their passive/aggressive behaviors long after the fact.
She and I are good enough friends to be completely open during discussions, and we have been. She's mentioned how much she wishes she could start a blog and be able to tell her story, and she always adds that she's not ready, that it's scary somehow to envision exposing herself in that way. And yes, it is scary. I was encouraged to start a 'diary' or online blog to journal how I feel, progress made, setbacks, just to have a record. I was told it would facilitate a real healing process to begin and continue, and... I truly believe my therapist was absolutely correct.
There will be moments when that other person becomes unhinged and lashes out. You may not always be aware of it, and maybe you'll only find out by accident, by word of mouth, and there could easily be those things you have no knowledge of as well.
Passive/aggression is still aggression. You simply can't change that.
Julia now knows this, recognizes it, because she's seen it first-hand. It's ugly. It's hateful. It's childish. But pretty much all narcs do it. I've never heard of one who didn't.
Over all, the subject continues to be a subject here because of the long-lasting and damaging effects a malignant narcissist has on his/her victims. The healing process is a long one which is often fraught with more than a few passive/aggressive attempts at further disrupting your life.
Julia---hang in there....
No comments:
Post a Comment