Southwest Florida Eagle Cam

Beautiful world, relevant happiness...

It's no shocking revelation to anyone who knows me that I absolutely LOVE animals.  Not just 'pets' but all animals.  Recently I discovered SWFL Eagle Cam due to a comment in RSBN chat saying "The first eaglet is hatching!"  So... I immediately got the link and went to look... and it was absolutely love at first sight.  And... I've been watching since that day, December 31st 2016 and know for a fact that I will watch in the years to come.

E9 is the 9th eaglet hatched to "Harriet" and "M15."  There's a reason M15 and E9 aren't named and the short explanation is that they decided not to name the eagles in the cam nest anymore because when they lost E5 suddenly to an unknown illness... they decided to not name the eaglets, or any adult that happens onto the nest, because.... simply put... they're not pets.  M=Male, and 15=the year he came to the nest after Ozzie passed away from injuries.  E9 just means the ninth eaglet of Harriet's.

As I write this I stop to check on E9 as I'm hearing him squeeeeeeeeeeee... and knowing, after watching every single day... that he's doing something. ;)  I clicked on the tab I have open ALL DAY long until I go to bed (not kidding) to find him wingersizing and hopping.  He will begin to hover more and higher... and eventual branch, which is the step before fledge.  The process is very dramatic, exciting, and absolutely beautiful.

Honestly, I haven't missed much because I've kept the live feed on my phone, or computer, or iPad depending on what I'm doing and where I am.  If you miss even a day E9 looks very, very different.

Today E9 is 59 days old, is about 3 ft tall with a 6 ft wingspan.  That means if he were standing next to you at your dinner table he could pick scraps off your plate.  He's reached many milestones in development and growth and still has a ways to go.  His feathers are coming in nicely but are still "blood wings," which he will have until they reach terminal growth and the blood dries up.  He can't fledge, and knows it, until the feathers reach that terminal growth stage where the blood is no longer in the shaft.  The blood makes the wings heavier which helps remind him he's not quite ready yet.

Other milestones he's reached, and they're ALL important, have been learning to self feed (still working on that, though he has eaten whole fishes by himself), defending his food (pic below of him mantling and defending his food brought by M15 this morning), developing and strengthening muscles he will use to fly and catch prey (wingersizing, perching on sticks in the nest and also perching on the crib rails or nest rails).

Below is a pic of E9 mantling, vocalizing a warning, and taking the fish from the adult.  He will become more aggressive as the days pass.  The adults expect this aggression.  E9 will have to be very aggressive to survive as he will be competing for food once he's on his own.  This mantling in the photo below is quite impressive...

Why am I calling E9 "He"?  Only a DNA test can confirm if he's an actual HE or not, or if, as an adult we see E9 lay an egg.  Right now all we can do is guess at his sex, which I believe (and others as well) is a male because he's more the size of M15 than Harriet.  Female bald eagles are 25% to 30% larger than the males and as you can see.. E9 is about the size of M15.

For anyone interested there are bald eagle cams out there besides SWFL Eagle Cam and some are in northern areas where their nesting season is later than the south.  Decorah had two active nests, both with small eaglets or eggs.  E9 should be branching in a week or so and likely to fledge around day 85, which is an average.  Some have fledged on day 80 while one eaglet at the SWFL nest fledged on day 100.  I will likely watch other nests once E9 fledges, or I may wait until he leaves the area completely.. which is typically about 6-8 weeks after first fledge.

Here's the link to watch E9, and there are 3 camera views.  Cam 1 is over the nest, but I do split view with Cam 2 for now.  Once E9 fledges I'll likely go back and forth between Cam 1 and Cam 2 to see E9's activity nearby.

SWFL Eagle Cam

There is also a chat open a couple of times a day with moderators to answer questions you may have. They also have classroom sessions with teachers and students who ask great questions... a wonderful way to learn.  Also, the cameras are equipped for infrared so you can see them at night too.

Here's a screen shot I got a few minutes ago....

It's the best reality show around, I have to say.  Lots of laughs, suspense, amazement, drama when intruders show up at the nest....

I will post, separately, the link to the live cam.  Not sure it will stream live from here but you guys will have the link. :)

Till next time!

A very busy last few days...

A few twists, turns, developments and joyful events over the past few days, and in the great scheme of things I feel much clearer on where I'm heading goal-wise now.  Not to spend too much time explaining everything, because I'm not sure I could at this point, let's just say that despite not feeling well life is moving at a forward pace and with a lot less bumps right now.  I'll consider this a very good thing.

One of the funnest and most exciting events over the weekend was picking up Sigmund C. Monster at the dealership.  Love at first site... is the only way to explain. :D  It's a bittersweet event, getting this car, because I'm going to miss driving a manual, but at least Sigmund has paddle shifters to make that a little easier to accept.  But seriously, all jokes aside, this is one majorly beautiful car, AND it's a cabrio... which means I can put the top down on the warm days, or even choose the 'sun roof' option which brings the top back in the front a little ways.  I'm really looking forward to that.  And to be honest, those of you who know me know I hate hats etc, so when I say I'm going to wear a scarf.... yep, that's a bit of a surprise.  Wearing a scarf is a lot better than having my hair/bangs smacking me in the eyes the whole time. lol  I can deal.

So it was a ton of fun picking up my new MINI S... and my motoring advisor gave me a bag of goodies, which was unexpected.  And... another lovely surprise is that the welcome light on the driver's side... is a MINI logo!  I was so surprised and happy about that welcome light that I forgot to take a pic. haha  I'll get a pic of that one night, though.

While it was FREEZING cold (something I'm not particularly fond of AT ALL) we pulled out of the dealership lot about sunset and drove home in the dark.  Now leaving, I have to admit, it took a minute to stop pushing my left foot to the floor and looking for the clutch. ;p  Only happened twice, and I'm pretty much over that now.  I'm looking SO forward to taking a fun drive with the top down.  See?  Lots of lovely things to look forward to.

As far as other live events, I'm going to save that for another post, and hopefully I will be doing that after visiting my other blogs and making a few relevant entries there.

....My indépendance is tugging at my sleeve....

PART 2: The sun, moon, stars...

Very little sleep last night.  My friend, Julia, called me around 11pm and was in a rather upsetting situation, and one that most of us who've been in a toxic relationship with a narc know and recognize well.  In her situation, not entirely unlike my own was, she's now dealing with the residual effects of a bloated ego, unhinged.

The conversation went on for nearly 3 hours, and while it was heartbreaking (and disturbing) to hear what she's dealing with I also knew that her speaking her mind and being allowed to feel what she's going through is one of the best ways to begin and maintain healing process.  Then she asked me about my own experiences when it came to the other person continuing their passive/aggressive behaviors long after the fact.

She and I are good enough friends to be completely open during discussions, and we have been.  She's mentioned how much she wishes she could start a blog and be able to tell her story, and she always adds that she's not ready, that it's scary somehow to envision exposing herself in that way.  And yes, it is scary.  I was encouraged to start a 'diary' or online blog to journal how I feel, progress made, setbacks, just to have a record.  I was told it would facilitate a real healing process to begin and continue, and... I truly believe my therapist was absolutely correct.

There will be moments when that other person becomes unhinged and lashes out.  You may not always be aware of it, and maybe you'll only find out by accident, by word of mouth, and there could easily be those things you have no knowledge of as well.

Passive/aggression is still aggression.  You simply can't change that.

Julia now knows this, recognizes it, because she's seen it first-hand.  It's ugly.  It's hateful.  It's childish.  But pretty much all narcs do it.  I've never heard of one who didn't.

Over all, the subject continues to be a subject here because of the long-lasting and damaging effects a malignant narcissist has on his/her victims.  The healing process is a long one which is often fraught with more than a few passive/aggressive attempts at further disrupting your life.

Julia---hang in there....

The sun, moon, stars...

I've learned over my lifetime that there are some seriously touchy people in the world, and I'm not one of them.  Not saying there aren't things that upset me---because there certainly are.  But touchy, nah.  I don't have time for that kind of nonsense.  Be real, be frank (no, not THAT kind of Frank), be nice but also be honest.  If you're not going be honest---just don't bother.

But seriously...

My friend and I had a long discussion over the phone (and likely way too much coffee, to be honest) about those emails.  Once I had the discussion, told the story, answered questions... well, she decided she wanted to know more.  I don't mind the discussion, talking about it, but.... I do need to take a break from that after telling the whole tale.  It's exhausting.

But I indulged her because I knew her curiosity wasn't so much about me as much as it was about her.  And I know exactly where she's coming from, I do.  I wish I'd had someone to talk to during that time as well.  No one really knows or understands what it's like... until you've experienced it yourself.  I had books, videos, articles from my therapist who was helping me at the time... but not another person who'd actually gone through what I did.

The softer side of the experience is one I haven't told either.  Well, haven't told lately anyway.  Early early on I did, spilled my heart onto my blog.  But I was always being made to feel pretty stupid for sharing how I felt, always being questioned and ridiculed, arguments ensuing over what I shared, no matter if it were from my heart.  So I began to delete the blog entries.  One by one.

Over time I would create an entry about the soft, mushy, romantic stuff.... then a couple days later delete it.  When you reach out and get your hand slapped, eventually you'll stop reaching.  And that's pretty much what happened to me (Julia... are you listening still?).

That softer side of the situation faded quickly, buried beneath the onslaught that was a mountainous and seemingly never-ending list of 'faults' and 'complaints' about me that were, at the very least, incredibly overwhelming, crushing, and.... it changed not only how I saw myself in that situation but how I saw the situation as a whole.  Notice, I don't usually refer to it as a "relationship," and that is for a reason.

Over time anything I thought was a relationship died a slow, painful death, and mostly by starvation.  Relationships have to be nurtured, cared for, attended to, protected... and they live and thrive on love and honoring the other person, respect, compassion, empathy... and that situation I was in.. starved to death.

She asked me, "When does it get better?"  "It" meaning once you leave when does it stop hurting.  The truthful answer is... No one knows.  Most will say that it never really stops hurting, that it's impossible to get past something without having closure, saying a real goodbye.  If you don't have anyone to say goodbye to... how do you actually, fully, completely let go of the pain, confusion, and all the other *lovely* things?  Rhetorical question, of course.

Short answer is---don't expect it to ever go away fully.  And it all does rather come down to how much damage was done.

It's okay to find yourself in a world of weirdness, and it's okay to speak your mind, to tell the truth, and to allow yourself to feel whatever it is you feel about any situation you're in.  It's not up to anyone else to tell you what to think or how to feel, anyway.  After all (Julia), you're having to go this alone.  Even with a lot of people around you... it's still something you'll have to go through alone.  Few will get what you're experiencing, likely none (who haven't experienced it themselves) will even understand at all what it's like at all.

You can find yourself in a crowded room with people silent and listening intently... but you may, or may not find any solace in that.  Don't expect too much, and never ever expect the person in question to understand at all.  And I mean.. not ever.

Some days will just be bad.  And you'll remember things you would rather forget, both good and bad things.  Some days the sun will shine, the moon will glow, the stars will twinkle... and the clouds will float softly across a beautiful sky.  Other days, on those bad days... it will be more like living in a concrete cell.  Days in the sun---enjoy them.  Days in your prison---endure them.  It's just the nature of the beast.

One question I couldn't answer if I tried for her is: "Will I ever want to be friends with him again?"  There's no way I can answer that one, because it's not up to us.  If that person treated you badly and felt pretty good about it.... they'd only find opportunities to make you feel like shit again, drag you down, criticize and condemn.

Ask yourself this: Would that person be able to stand before you, looking you in the eyes, while you tell them how they made you feel, what they did, and what it did to you as a person?  Would they feel badly for what they did and apologize?  Or, would they become angry, lash out, etc?  The answer to most of that question is really in that.

More on this in PART 2.... hopefully I can post that tomorrow.

Nite!

Haunted emails.

The damage done when you're in a relationship with a malignant narcissist is far-reaching and poisonous.  I was warned by the therapist who helped me understand what I was dealing with and how to heal made that point very clear.  While I was certain that it would happen in a reasonable time frame, I was wrong, and the damage is, as she said, far-reaching and poisonous beyond anything I could have ever imagined.  Still, I find ways to deal and thank God for the blessings I have.

When asked the other day if I would share the emails and screen shots of text messages from my experience I wasn't quite sure if it were the right thing to do.  My friend, going through something VERY similar to what I had didn't mince words nor beat around the bush with her request.  So, that day while she was home alone... I forwarded her the email conversation, and I mean every bit of it.  Oh she knew some of what was in there because we had many a conversation WHILE I was in, and coming out of that relationship.  But she hadn't seen everything blow-by-blow, and when she did... she called me, angry beyond words.

I wasn't at all surprised at her response and was expecting no less, to be honest.

While I hung on as long as I could the people around me, friends and co-workers, couldn't help but witness some of what I was going through.  I eventually stopped calling him on my breaks at work and avoiding questions when they arose.  But there were a couple of people who were positively furious that I remained in that relationship and allowed what went on and made excuses for the other person.  Others could see clearly what I couldn't.  That is the nature of the beast.

Then the phone call.

She was upset, angry, emotional.  Why?  Because I'm her friend and she gives a shit that it happened to me, but mostly because she recognized her own circumstances (which is why I allowed her to read it all).

I kept the emails because I didn't want to forget the experience and why it was critical for me to get out.  I was very slow to come to terms with what I needed to do, what was HEALTHY for me, but eventually I got there.  Re-reading the emails with her over the phone (man, did she have a LOT of questions) wasn't pleasant.  But... I didn't get upset, and I believe that's because I am able to view the conversation outside of emotion or attachment to that person.  I can now see the truth that everyone else around me could see early on.  My hopes are that my friend will find herself in a place where she too can see the truth of her situation and make an informed decision for the betterment of her life.